Rules for Relations..Can these be learnt or taught? Do they guarantee any success?
No, then why am I writing this?
Relax. You will find all your answers by the time I finish.
Basically, the very idea about learning the rules to make, maintain and cherish relationships is unacceptable. The bond we create and the efforts we put in it to keep that bond in existence and let it flourish has one thing at its centre and that is – “From the Heart, To the Heart and By the heart”, meaning whatever we do, should come from within, should be done whole heartedly, should reach the other end and touch his/her heart too, then only can we create “Happy Relationships”. And that’s the ‘Golden Rule’ , rest all is just a part of it.
Below are listed some guiding principles which we followed with the golden rule can be of great help. To help you memorise so that one can mould himself/herself accordingly while taking life – decisions, here is a shortcut –
The Mnemonic goes as – Auto Control Relations (ACR) 3A’s, 3C’s and 3R’s –
Accept. Adapt. Adjust.
Change. Compromise. Cherish.
Rely. Respond. Refrain.
Going in to the details of these 3 ACR’s –
1. Accept – The first and foremost thing is to accept the person the way he/she is. If we aren’t able to accept we are in some way paving way for the negativity to take over us and the bond too.
2. Adapt – There are some negatives in each one of us. There are some habits that we can’t change. I am not distinguishing them as good or bad as it is solely a matter of opinion and one’s own discretion. So, it’s better if we adapt ourselves accordingly, isn’t it?
3. Adjust – Once you have accepted others and adapted yourself, adjusting is not a big deal. And, without adjusting life cannot move on smoothly.
4. Change – There will definitely be certain things that are too hard to be accepted whether or moral grounds or ethical or personal, try to convince and change them in the other person. If you do your part well, you will definitely be rewarded with acceptance and adjustment from the other end.
5. Compromise – It takes two hands to clap. Similarly, it takes two persons to move on in a relationship happily. And you can’t dream of a happy relationship without making sacrifices and compromises. I am not at all saying to compromise more than what your self-esteem allows but yes, do. At times more, and at times less, but do.
6. Cherish – Cherish, Rejoice and Live the bond you share. Create happiness to be happy.
7. Rely – Trust is a must for all relationships. If you can’t trust the other person or if you can’t win theirs, is it worth it?
8. Respond – Don’t just react but think about the impact and then react. Weigh the pros and cons of your action to be taken and then respond.
9. Refrain – Stop yourself from fighting and from creating a negative aura around you. Pull yourself away at the time of dispute, once things cool down relax and talk about the issue. Things will turn out to be better. Trust me on that.
These are no psychological principles I read from somewhere but everything that life has taught me. The ‘Tried and Tested Techniques’, you might call them.
For more such tips, check Family Bonding section on RewardMe.